Brokenhearted.

Nothing has broken my heart more.

I followed a link from a blog to a website about adopting.  How to get involved, etc.  And then I saw it.  A list of children waiting to be adopted.  Infants.  12-year-olds.  18-year-olds.  Eighteen year olds.  Cooks, sports-lovers, outgoing, shy.  Faces.  261 pages of faces.  They all share the same want: a family.  


It broke my heart.  Questions filled my mind.  Why do I have a family?  Why did God choose for that many people to be without a parent?  18-year-olds!!!!!  20-year-olds that just want somebody to care about them.  To encourage them.  To love them.  That's all they want.  And that breaks my heart.

They write little biographies.  I'm not sure if they're written by the kids or by someone else, but oh, that breaks my heart even more.  They are trying so hard.  They're talking about their strengths and how they are shy but open up once you get to know them.  They just want to be loved so badly that you can tell in their biographies. They're hoping you'll have some kind of connection with them.  Because they just want it that bad.  That breaks my heart.

I'm blessed, I know.  I say that in the most humble manner I can.  I say it wondering why God chose me to be in this family and not put in those hundreds of millions of children's positions.  But I'm not.  I have two parents.  A house.  A bed.  Five brothers.  A camera.  A phone.  An iPod touch.  A computer.  3+ meals everyday.  Anything and everything I could ever want.  It doesn't make any sense that there are millions of others waiting.  Waiting for someone to tell them that they're getting adopted.  That another family with other DNA and different looks, beliefs, anything, is going to accept them into their family and love them like their own.  But they continue to wait.  Because the number of orphans outnumbers the number of people adopting.  That breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart that I can't do much about this.  I can't snap my fingers and give all those children a home.  I can't persuade thousands of people to adopt twenty kids.  I can't give all of those children a home.  But I can inform the world.  I can speak up for those forgotten.  I can love the unloved.  And I will do just that.

xo,
emma

(P.S. if you've never seen this video, take the time to do so now.  I've seen it about five times, and each time makes me want to cry even more than the last)

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Remembering.

John 14:18: "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

My brother had a Toys 'R Us gift card, and I decided to go with him to see what he would choose with his money.  The moment I walked in, I had this huge emotion take over my whole body.  Toys.  Everywhere.  Whichever way you turned your head there were huge quantities of every toy imaginable in that store.  Legos, Nerf guns, Barbies, you know.  Toys.  "What about the kids that don't have Christmas?", I thought.  The kids that ate dirt for breakfast this morning and walked to school with no shoes.  How do we have all this? Why did God bless us with all of this?  Why are they children waiting that may never have a forever family?  I couldn't get my brain to not go to those places.  The orphan.  The orphan doesn't get Christmas.  The orphan may live on the streets and the orphan may not get dinner tonight.  The orphaned is unloved.  But why?  Why do I get to walk into a massive store filled with just toys when there are kids all over the world that didn't even get a meal today?  

That humbled me, that day.  That so many children ate dirt today, but we get to partake in toys.  We get to walk into a store dedicated to toys with full bellies and happy faces while so many don't even have anyone to love them.  That hit me.  That hit me in the deepest part of my soul.  I'm not saying it's not fair.  I'm not saying everyone should drop everything and go out and live in Africa and never go near a Toys 'R Us ever again in their life.  I'm just saying that we should have make a change.  We should care.  I don't know about you, but I'm here to do just that.

-Emma

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falling in love with adoption

It's been a long journey.  I would say it started stirring in my heart on a trip to Africa two years ago.  But it wasn't until we did foster care that I realized it was real.  Then the two precious kids that spent the Summer in my home, eating with us, living our lives with us - left.  We were expecting it, it wasn't surprising.  But that's when we realized forever is what we want.

Forever.  That's what adoption is.  God promised us forever.  We follow His lead and adopt a child forever.  I'll be honest - it's not for everyone.  I don't think everyone should go out and adopt a child.  But all I know is - adoption is for me.  I've watched some of our best friends walk through an airport gate with a baby in their arms or holding kids' hands and I think to myself, "I want that to be me someday!".

When you walk through this opportunity, it's hard not to fall in love with it.  It's hard.  It tests you.  Somedays it feels completely defeating.  But others, it is rewarding.  Other days, you look into the eyes of an adopted child and you remember how blessed you are.

Blessed.  That's what adoption is to me.  It's the hardest thing I have ever done thus far in my life, but boy, is it rewarding.  There are good days and bad days.  Hard days and easy days.  Sometimes it feels like just when it's starting to be easy, it falls apart a little bit.  But you get back up again and you keep going.  Because that's what God does for us.  He keeps going until He has our hearts.  Never stopping.  Never getting weary.  The perfect example.

Adoption takes so much patience.  Sometimes it feels like it's taking everything inside of you.  Sometimes it feels like you can't go any further.  But then there's that one rewarding day that gets you through until the next one.  And you remember that you are in love with adoption.  You remember that it is for you.  You remember that God called you to it.  So you do it.  Everyday.

Tomorrow is a new day.

xo,
emma

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